This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives
by Raiknii
Summary: [indefinite hiatus] A year after Kingdom Hearts, Riku washes up on the shores of Destiny Islands. And, so, we are caught up in the drama of Riku's love life: Tidus loves Riku, who loves Sora, who loves Kairi, who loves Sora back... RS, TR
1. Prologue: Aria of a Broken Heart

This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives -- Prologue: Aria of a Broken Heart

Set to Melodies of Life, from FFIX

by Raiknii

a.A. Year 2, Rain Day 65 (See A/N for explanation.)

**Riku's POV**

It's so black. Every way I look, everything is black. The light is gone… The light has vanished.

When light isn't here, black tortures. The black is swirling, twisting into horrible images. It just _knows_ what will hurt you the most. And so it shows me _him_ - Sora, the one I love. Sometimes – no, always, it's too much for me to bear, when this prison shows me Sora and Kairi, together, happy... without me. They're always so happy, not even seeming to know I'm gone. Sometimes they're with Selphie, Tidus, Wakka, and the rest, sometimes they're by themselves. Either way, they're happy, having the time of their lives. This hell shows me agonizing image after agonizing image, making me scream and scream and cry and shriek… But no one hears, do they?

This place is agony. All I want is to get out of Kingdom Hearts…

It's forever showing me images of _them_, being happy, _together_. Sometimes, I cling to those images, the last piece of Sora I have left… Other times, I hate them, for showing me how happy they are without me.

I think I'd go mad, if they really were together. Then again, I'll go mad in here anyway, so what's the big deal? I just wish… All I ever wanted was Sora to love me! Why did he have to forget all about me when Kairi came? When Kairi came, she pulled him away from me. It became Kairi this, and Kairi that. And then he started to spend all his time with Kairi, and none with me. It broke my heart, but do your think they noticed, or would've cared if they had? They were too damn busy "spending time" with each other! Too busy "bonding" to even notice his best friend!

You know, I wish I never knew Sora. Then, maybe, just maybe, my heart would've never been broken. Maybe I would've been abandoned. If our lives had never crossed, would I be happier?

If I had never played with Sora on the beaches of Destiny Island, what would my life be like right now? I wouldn't have had to say goodbye and let my love go…

But how can I live without Sora? All my memories, good and bad, important and trivial, are all filled with Sora. Somehow, my life's always rotated around him.

The highlight of my childhood was playing with Sora. Later, he was my sparring partner. And through Maleficent's manipulations, he was… my enemy.

When Maleficent told me he had abandoned me, I just snapped. I went with her. I was too weak to prevent her from using me like a puppet, whose strings can be pulled in any way, at any time. Just shows how pathetic I am. How could I ever hope for him to love a worthless creature of darkness like me?

But even then, as his enemy, my life rotated around him. Sometimes, I get mad, when I think about how he brushed my opposition aside like a fly, like I was someone not very important to him. All the time, it was Kairi, Kairi, Ansem, heartless, Kairi. Where was the Riku?

He was still the most important person to me, even though we were enemies. My good memories of him were still what I thought of in times of trouble, of woe.

But _I'm_ not that important to _him_. It's always been just me, loving him, not the other way around. I've always been just a friend. Or was I even less? When Kairi came, Sora just... forgot about me. Am I really not even worth a mention in Sora's life? I don't know what to think. I want to believe Sora cared, but would I just be disillusioning myself?

Maybe Sora never cared. Maybe it was always just me, reaching for what I could never have. Sora's always been above my reach, in a place I can never hope to touch. He's so much better than I am… I could never hope to deserve him. Despite this, I still love him. It's almost funny.

This is the story of my life –loving Sora. It began when we were little kids, before we knew what love was, and it's still continuing. Or, rather, my love's still continuing. Sora's ended long ago, when Kairi came.

And my love will continue forever… as long as I live.

The torture's stopped. The black is shifting, and so cleaving the way for mind-splitting agony that comes at me next.

_Make it go away! My eyes hurt! Make the light go away…!_

I can hear a scream, and vaguely, I recognize it as mine, before water fills my mouth and my vision fades out. Everything's so dark…

* * *

Two people sit on an island. The boy winds his arm around the girl's waist. She turns her face up to kiss him.

They sit on a little island, by a tree that had been so frequently graced by a silver angel in past. Looking at the tree, they find a ripe star-shaped fruit on the tree, just ready to be picked. A gentle tug brings it down.

They sit, just watching the ocean. The ocean is worth watching – it is smooth and calm, just the right shade of blue. It crashes on the shore softly, the crest gleaming silver. Little fish, quick and slippery, dart around in the water. Yes, the ocean is perfect today.

The boy turns to the girl. Smiling at her lovingly, he breaks the fruit in half. She smiles back, taking her half of the fruit. At the same time, they eat their halves of the fruit. They kiss, and whisper pledges of love.

* * *

They promise to stay together, with their fates forever intertwined.

Somewhere, a heart is breaking; an unrequited love is seen as hopeless.

Tidus and Wakka walked along the beach, blitzballs and water bottles in hands tanned from the sun.

"Nice day for practicin' blitz, ya, Tidus?"

Tidus had to agree. After all, it _was_ a fine day, with smooth crystal seas and a glowing sun. "Yeah, the sea's good for practicing blitz. Not too many waves."

They lapsed into a friendly silence. As they walked toward the sandy stretch of beach they normally practiced on, Tidus glanced at the calm sea. Today, the sea was a brilliant shade of blue-green today, a color like – like… Riku's eyes. It even shimmered and swirled the same way. In fact –

"Tidus, you all right, man?"

"Hm? I'm fine, Wakka."

"You're lying, ya? I know what you're doing. You're thinking about Riku, ya know? You've been moping since Sora and Kairi came back from their journey without him, ya?"

Wakka had hit the nail on its head. Tidus, however, was deep in denial. "Wakka, let's just go."

"Whatever you say, man." A suspicious glance was cast Tidus's way.

Tidus's thoughts had been turned toward Riku, beautiful, brilliant Riku. A year ago, everyone lost their hearts, sinking into nothingness. By the time they had been all restored by Sora, Riku had vanished. And nobody seemed to care. Sora had gotten together with Kairi, and life was normal again. Except, of course, the gaping hole in Tidus's heart where Riku used to be…

While Tidus was reminiscing, Wakka had gotten far ahead of him. When he was fairly close to the peaceful bit of beach they always practiced blitz on, he suddenly stopped.

"Tidus! Tidus! Look!"

A body, curled in a fetal position, was washed up on the beach. Tidus gasped – he had seen the silver hair.

_Riku…_

Disclaimer: Square-Enix owns KH. I worship them. If I stole KH, I would kill myself for defacing my gods.

A/N: Yes, Tidus is in love with Riku. And then, of course, Riku loves Sora, Sora loves Kairi, etc. I would tell who ends up with who, but that's spoiling the story, isn't it?

At the top, it says a.A. Year 2 Rain Day 65 . Well, since this story will span three, four, or maybe even five years (if my plan stays intact), I needed a dating system. If I use a real one, I'll feel weird. So it's after Ansem Year 2, Rain Day 65 . The day Ansem was defeated, it became a.A. Year 1. The "New Year" is Rain Day 65 . Rain is spring, Blossom is summer, Leaf is fall, and Icicle is winter. Each season has 91 days. (The calendar has an incorrect number of days! Yay!) This story starts exactly one year after Ansem.

Note: No one in the story actually uses the a.A. system. It's just for my reference. And so we all have a very clear idea how long it is after the game.

And btw, I am ignoring both KH: CoM and KH2.


	2. Ch1: We All Want To Be Your Canary

This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives – Chapter 1: We All Want To Be Your Canary

Set to Simple and Clean, from Kingdom Hearts

By Raiknii

( a.A. Year 2 Rain 66 )

**Riku's POV**

Everything's still black. Dark. So was the light just a dream?

Where am I? What's going on?

A faint, but familiar voice calls, "Riku… Riku…"

I reach towards the voice. Maybe it's just Kingdom Hearts messing with me, but maybe… maybe I'm home. The voice sounds like home, somehow. I don't know how a voice can sound like Destiny Islands, but it does. I struggle to open my eyes – they feel like dead weights in my face.

"Riku?" I can hear a scramble, then someone calling, "Hey, Wakka! He's waking up!"

Wakka? Am I really… home? Home! Home, with its dazzling beaches, my friends, and… Sora. Oh, why did I ever want to leave? Home… The thought is dizzying, euphoric.

"Riku? It's me, Tidus. Are you awake?"

Tidus? So that's who the voice was… I fight with my eyes again. There! I wrench my eyes open – the light dashes across my vision – it hurts…!

"Riku, you all right?" Through the haze, I can vaguely recognize the speaker as Tidus.

Soon, the pain starts fading. Some of the haze fades away with the pain. I can see blurry shapes now, so I wait for the images to clear more.

What's going on? Nothing's happening! The image's still blurry!

"What's wrong with my eyes? I can't see! _What's wrong_?" I scream -I can barely recognize my own voice, it's so hoarse and panicked.

Tidus coaxes, "Calm down, Riku. There's nothing wrong. The doctor said the transition from light to dark would probably harm your eyes. You'll need glasses, that's all."

Glasses? That's not too bad. I can deal with glasses, especially if they look cool…

Wait. Tidus is here, Wakka was here, so where's Sora? Does he not even care enough to come here? Sora…?

And so I ask, "Where's Sora?"

I can see the blob that must be Tidus move. I think he's smiling at me. If he isn't, he's picking his nose. Ew. I think I'll go with the smile explanation.

"Wakka's looking for Sora right now."

I nod to show I understand, and then come up with another question. I wonder, "How long has it been?"

"We found you yesterday afternoon. Yesterday, it was the anniversary of the hearts' restoration."

I don't know what to say. A year? That's so long… A year of my life was wasted in that place of darkness.

I wonder what's happened since then? Have Sora and Kairi… gotten together?

Tidus seems to read my thoughts, continuing, "A lot's changed. I mean, we're all a year older, so I guess that's a big change… In fact, Wakka was checking out a girl the other day. That's a huge change, isn't it? After all, this is the fellow who thought girls had cooties until he was eleven!"

As I remember those times, I smile a little. Wakka used to run away from girls every time he saw one. It was really funny the first time Selphie met him.

_Selphie had shrieked,_ _"I wanna hug you!"_

"_Cooties! She has cooties, ya? Go away!" _

Tidus cuts into my memory, saying, "Those were the good old days, weren't they? So much has changed since then… Wakka's become interested in girls, Selphie's a teensy-weensy bit less hyper, Sora and Kairi are together…"

Together? Sora and Kairi, a couple! _So it's true…_ They really are together. Kingdom Hearts wasn't lying. I feel like sobbing my heart out right now, but I struggle to hold the tears back.

I must've looked like hell, because Tidus asks, "You all right?"

What can I say? 'I'm really upset because I love Sora. Oh, by the way, I'm a faggot who loves his best friend.' That would go over _so_ well, wouldn't it? I'm sure Tidus would be _so_ happy.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just never thought Sora would get enough courage to ask her out." This is true, by the way. I never did expect Sora to ask Kairi out. Maybe they would get together somehow, but Sora would never ask Kairi out. He's too chicken.

Tidus laughs, "I don't think he did. From what I hear, she pretty much asked _him_ out."

We have a quiet laugh together, shaking our heads. That sounds better. It's more like how I expected Sora and Kairi would end up getting together…

But I guess I should give up on Sora loving me now. _He's with Kairi now… _There's not anything I can do about it, and I can at least _try_ to be happy for them… Right? But I don't want to be happy for them. I want to be selfish! _I want Sora all to myself!_

I start quietly sobbing again, letting the tears wash away a little of the agony, the searing pain in my heart.

"Riku…" Tidus draws me into an embrace, humming some tuneless melody in my ear.

It's as close as I'll ever get to someone truly loving and caring about me, Tidus hugging me like this. I'll take it.

* * *

"Sora, do you think the Paopu fruit will really bond us together for eternity?"

Sora turns to smile at Kairi. "I don't know, Kairi. What do you think?"

"Well… I hope it will. But I don't think we need a fruit to keep us together."

"Yeah, you're right. You always are, Kairi."

Kairi giggles, blushing and ducking her head. "Of course I'm not always right. But it's so sweet of you to say so."

"It's the truth!" Sora shakes his head and laughs a little.

They sink into silence for a while. From the beach they are sitting on, they can see how the early morning light reflects off the sea. The sea is radiant in the warm rays of the sun.

"It's lovely…"

"What's lovely, Sora?" Kairi asks, tilting her head.

Sora seems to think for a while. "You."

"No, really. You were looking at something."

"I was looking at the sea. It's really pretty."

Kairi stares at Sora oddly, but agrees, "Yeah, it's really pretty."

"And I was serious. You are beautiful."

Kairi seems to like this praise, saying, "Thanks, Sora. That's why I love you, you know. 'Cause you're so nice."

"Aw, it's nothing…"

They pause again, Sora turning to look out at the sea, Kairi turning to look at Sora.

"What do you want to do when we grow up?" Kairi asks.

Sora turns back to Kairi. "When we grow up? Gee, I don't know. We'll be together, that's for sure. We'll still be with all our friends and everything… Except Riku…"

"Yeah… Except Riku. But at least we've got everyone else, and each other."

"…Kairi, will we get married when we're older?"

"Oh, Sora…"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you or anything… Forgive me?"

Kairi smiles softly, telling Sora, "Silly. I thought it was obvious! Of course we're getting married when we're older, goose."

"Yeah…"

The two figures kiss under the sun's rays. Still-boyish hands curl into red hair that has gotten longer, and tongues twine together in an intricate dance.

When they pull apart, Sora whispers, "I haven't got a ring, but I promise to marry you in three years, when we're eighteen, alright?"

"I don't need a ring. I trust you to keep that promise." Kairi is beaming.

"Right. Consider us engaged, 'kay? It'll be our little secret! I'll get you a ring when we tell everyone."

"Okay."

The two are quiet again, just watching the sea.

The silence is broken by the sound of a running person, and the person's voice, which says, "Where were you, ya? We have wonderful news, ya know?"

Sora spins around to face Wakka, and queries, "What news?"

"Well, yesterday aft'anoon, Tidus and I found something on the beach, ya know?"

Kairi is curious now, asking, "What did you find?"

"We found _Riku_! He just woke up, ya? I dunno how he got here, but he's here, ya?"

They just stare for a minute, in shock. Sora recovers quickly, getting up immediately.

"Where is Riku, Wakka?"

"With Tidus, in the Seaside Shack., ya?"

After a little hesitation, Sora declared, "Right. Kairi, stay here. I want to talk to Riku by myself and ask him about how he got back."

Sora runs off, leaving Wakka and Kairi behind. They stare after him, then shrug, as if to say 'someone's eager'.

* * *

Sora can run like the wind. He hasn't forgotten his days fighting (and running away from) the Heartless yet. Breathless, panting, he reaches the little shack by the shore.

"Tidus? Riku? Are you here?" he calls.

Tidus slips out of the shack, light circles under his eyes. He says, "Oh, it's you. Riku's inside. You want to see him, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. How is he? Is he all right?"

"The doc says he'll live, but he'll need glasses because of some transition problem or something like that. He said something about the light levels changing, and that damaging Riku's eyes. I don't really get it, but… Apparently, there's nothing else wrong with him."

Actually, Tidus was lying through his teeth. He had seen the look on Riku's face, held the sobbing boy while stroking those soft silver locks. Besides, he had always had _suspicions_ about Riku and Sora. And the suspicions had been confirmed – the look Riku had had on his face when he was told of Sora and Kairi's relationship made it possible to read Riku like an open book. But why tell Sora of Riku's love? If Riku never got a chance with Sora, Tidus still had a chance with Riku… Selfish, but love is blind to the greater good.

So Tidus tells Sora, "Why don't you see Riku now? I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. I'll go and get some rest."

"Sure! You look really tired. I guess you could use some rest. Or a lot. Don't worry – I'll take good care of Riku!" Sora, of course, knows nothing of the secret Tidus is keeping from him. So typical of Sora.

"Thanks a lot, Sora!" A big fake smile is plastered all over Tidus's face. Sora doesn't notice the total fakeness of Tidus's smile. After all, we're talking about the boy who never noticed Riku and Kairi both had crushes on him. Even now, he only notices one crush…

As Sora goes in the shack, Tidus walks away. Like water crashing down a waterfall, the smile drops off. As he takes a glance back, Tidus wonders what's going to happen to all of their love lives… _How much havoc will Riku's arrival cause? Will Sora and Kairi break up so Sora can be with Riku? And then what? If that happens, what happens to the rest of us? Who will get together with whom?_

As Sora walks into the shack, Riku turns blurry eyes towards the door. A vague lump… A horrible shade of red all over… _Definitely Sora. Only Sora can wear that horrible outfit and still look good._

So he calls, "Sora?"

"Riku… You're back!"

The excitement, the happiness is too much for words. After a pause, Sora launches himself onto Riku, hugging him like a lifeline.

As Riku stares off with blurry eyes while Sora is hugging him, he wonders, '_What does he mean to say with this hug? Whatever does he mean? It can't mean what I want it to mean – he's with Kairi, now – but I don't want it to mean only friendship. I don't. Heavens above, please don't let it be only friendship…'_

Withdrawing, Sora chirps, "It's so nice to have you back, Riku! Oh, so much has happened!"

It suffices to say the hours were filled with chatter of Kairi and how wonderful she was. (No discussion of how Riku got back or anything similarly practical.) And of course, quiet tears were shed, unnoticed. Quiet tears, some internal and some external, the latter hidden by a convenient blanket or pillow. As for the former – well, they went unnoticed. What do you expect?

And in this manner, Riku's first conscious day back on Destiny Islands ended in misery and tears. Really, what did you expect? Falling in love with someone who loves someone else is a bed of roses with thorns. Lots of thorns.

Disclaimer: See prologue.

A/N (Raiknii): Well, here's a longer chapter. I think they'll be this long from now on. I think. It all depends, really.

If you leave a review with a question and an e-mail address, either on your profile or directly in the review, I'll answer. Reviews like "OMG! Cool! Update soon!" I will not answer, unless you ask for a reply. (I do appreciate those reviews, too, though. I just don't see anything I can reply to. But you can tell me if you want a reply, and I'll try.) I will never make really long A/N with review replies. If you really want one, leave an e-mail address and ask questions and/or request to be replied. If you don't want to be answered, tell me! I can't read minds.

Contact me with questions/comments/criticism at and my writing partner can be reached at of my writing partner, I've done all the writing so far. She's beta-ing and making suggestions. Hopefully, she will write part of the next chapter. Hopefully.

If anyone can tell me the not-so-subtle references (a.k.a. more-or-less copying) to another game in the Prologue and the meaning of the title of this chapter (Yeah, I know, the second part's easy.), I'll let you help with the plot and/or make a minor character.

Btw, the more criticism, the better! I love it!


	3. Ch2: Pearls Burning in the Sun

This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives – Chapter 2: Pearls Burning in the Sun

Set to one of the ten or eleven different versions of **_Heaven_**, by DJ Sammy and Yanou

By Raiknii

( a.A. Year 2 Rain 89 )

Dear Sora,

You know, this is sort of sad. Here I am, moping because you don't love me and sulking since nobody really cares that I'm bleeding my heart out. I angst and angst, and then what do I do next? I write a letter to you, which will never be sent, since it's too embarrassing to be caught writing love letters in such a girly fashion. Frankly, the ideas that will probably end up in this letter will be along these lines:

"Sora, I love you.

Now I'm going to angst. Love, Riku."

I think that's all I ever do these days, Sora. Mope and angst and sulk.

My writing this letter is so… _sad_, but I have nothing to do, besides angst by myself, and I don't consider that a real activity. I guess I could go outside to hang around with you guys instead of sulking, but… It's devastating enough knowing that Kairi is probably leaning against your shoulder right now, your arm around her. I don't need to see it – I'm suffering enough already.

I admit I want to be there, instead of Kairi. Girly, but my whole situation is girly. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm living in one of those reality shows Selphie always goes on about – an ugly, disliked girl falls in love with an unattainable guy who has a girlfriend, but – lo and behold – the unpopular, clumsy girl manages to catch the perfect, strong guy! Like, oh my god.

Yeah, my analogies are horrid. But it is true. I'm the dumb, klutzy, left-out one and Sora's the savior of the worlds. Complete with a model girlfriend, of course. The only difference – I'm never going to actually be able to "catch" Sora. After all, Kairi's like… perfect!

At least this isn't one of those "makeover" shows…? Actually, next thing you know, I'll be getting plastic surgery and taking hormones to grow breasts. That would be scary, but would you like that, Sora? If I were born a girl, would I be sitting next to you now?

…See? The angst is going full throttle.

You know something else that sounds sort of like my situation? There was this one documentary Selphie made me watch once, about this girl who thought she was too fat and not worthy, so she starved herself or something… I think she had something they called anorexia.

Now, I think I know how she felt – she wasn't good enough, not skinny enough, not this enough, not that enough… I sort of feel like that, only I don't have weight issues. I just have issues altogether. Love issues, I guess one could call them.

I sound like such a girl. Then again, isn't mooning over a guy this way girly anyway? That's something to muse on. What's more girly – mooning over someone who never would think of you in a romantic way or actually comparing your situation of reality shows and documentaries? Hm. That's a very good question.

Actually, this whole letter is sad. I mean, I've only been back for three weeks or so, and I'm already reduced to writing letters to you. I always knew you and Kairi would get together, so why does it hurt so much?

…Oh, nobody even cares why it hurts! Why am I even asking a piece of paper? No one will ever read this, nor would they care if they did.

In fact, no one cares about me at all. At least, they don't act like they care. They've all been sitting together on the beach all week, happily making decorations for the Star and Moon Festival. They didn't ask me to join them, but then again, even if they had asked me, I wouldn't have wanted to help. I don't want to draw and make things. Drawing used to be the joy of my life, but now… All the soul in my art seems to be gone. I can't even draw a proper circle now. Was it Kingdom Hearts, Ansem, or just the angst that stopped my art?

This letter feels like a diary of sorts. Note to self: That's yet another thing to add to my list of "Riku's girly habits".

Should I say, "Good night, dear diary"?

- Riku

* * *

"So, Kairi…" Sora drifts off, staring into the distance.

Kairi turns towards Sora and asks, "What is it, Sora?"

"It's our first anniversary today. It's a year since we first kissed… Remember? It was under the night sky, during the Star and Moon Festival…"

Kairi smiles at Sora, shaking her head. "And you just realized today is our anniversary now? Sora, I'm hurt you'd forget so easily!"

Sora indignantly replies, "Of course I didn't forget! I remembered our anniversary! How _could_ I forget?"

"Prove it."

"I…" Sora pauses a little, musing, than tells Kairi, "I have a gift for you."

Sora takes out a little box, which is wrapped horribly. Raising an eyebrow at Sora's bad wrapping job, Kairi carefully pulls the paper off and opens the box. Inside the velvet jewelry case, there rests a glittering specimen of fine jewelry – a shimmering strand of pearls, which glow in the sun's light.

Kairi takes the necklace out, holding it up to the sun's light and admiring the way the sun makes the pearls glow. She breathlessly exclaims, "Oh, Sora… It's beautiful!"

"It's nothing, Kairi. You deserve all the jewelry in the world."

"You're far too kind, Sora…"

"You're the kind one."

"We're never going to get anywhere arguing like this, Sora!" Kairi laughs.

Sora thinks for a moment, then smiles, "How about we agree we're both equally kind?"

"That works." Kairi smiles back.

To break the silence, Sora reflects, "You know, Kairi, so much was happened since we got together. It's been only a year, but it feels like a lifetime."

"Yeah… Everybody's changed so much. Selphie's gotten insightful; Wakka's gotten a crush…" Kairi sighs.

"Hard to imagine what Wakka used to be like now. He used to be so scared of girls! Now look at him!"

"You mean how Mr. I-think-girls-have-cooties has turned into Mr. Really-perverted-who-stares-at-all-the-girls?"

Sora sweatdrops, "I wouldn't put it that way, but your way works, too."

"You admit it's true."

"Yeah, I guess," Sora shrugs, "but isn't it sort of mean to make fun of Wakka that way? He's our friend, so I don't really want to be mean to him, you know?"

"Then he shouldn't be a pervert – I wouldn't call him a pervert if he weren't one. Come on; let's go check the decorations for the Festival."

"Right, Kairi! After you!"

Sora and Kairi stand up, brush the sand off their clothes, and walk toward the dock, where Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka are sitting, chatting with each other about various topics of interest, like blitzball and fashion, while simultaneously working on decorations for the Festival that will take place that night.

The abandoned beach soon fills with the calls of seagulls.

_

* * *

_

_What is _heaven_, truly? Where is it? What is it like?_

Heaven is a horrible place. Or so Riku thinks.

The Star and Moon Festival is beautiful – a _heaven_ for the eyes. Strands of glittering silver tinsel and perfect murals of night skies (still not as magnificent as the real thing) are everywhere. And of course, the moon shines overhead. Some years it doesn't, but this year you can see it. It hangs in the black sky, a perfect shining white.

_Heaven is beautiful; there can be nothing more lovely. Even everyone and everything that passes under heaven's divine lights become beautiful._

Yes, the Festival is truly beautiful this year. Then again, _every_ year it is spectacular, so what's the difference? Every year the Festival stuns with its loveliness.

When Riku was little, he saw the beauty with wide little eyes, next to Sora.

They would stand together and gawk at the magnificence around them. Again together, they would fidget in the little suits their parents said were "cute" and insisted on making them wear. The perfectly groomed little children in suits were part of the perfection. After all, they were cute, adorable, lovely – perfect. Beautiful.

Together, Riku and Sora would stroll around and obtain food from the people giving out stuff. During the Festival, they had all sorts of games for the little kids and plentiful amounts of yummy food, mostly candies. All the little kids would scramble about, playing tag and squealing over the candy. Like all the other kids, Riku and Sora would giggle and chase each other around.

Together. They played, ate, chased, and laughed together.

When Riku was a few years older, he was part of the Festival, along with Sora.

They had started to help prepare for the Festival, along with all the other kids their age. Sora's moon decorations were stunning. To put it in Selphie's words:

"Is that supposed to be a moon or dog poop?"

That one phrase sums up Sora's artistic talent. Thankfully for the eyes of the people at the Festival, Riku was better at arts and crafts.

At the Festival, Sora and Riku had beamed proudly and triumphantly at each other. They had grown up! Finally, they were allowed to help with the sparkly paint and pretty streamers!

It was a brilliant day. Riku and Sora had finally grown up enough to help the "big kids" with the decorations. They had grown up, together – with each other.

Together. They drew, cut, pasted, and admired together.

The year Kairi arrived, it all changed. At first, it simply went from two best friends to three.

Sora and Riku had proudly shown Kairi all of the decorations they had made and happily explained what the Festival was about.

"See, the moon and the stars aren't appreciated normally. The sun gets all the joy, and smiles on all the happiness of the people below. The moon sees only a sleeping world, and the stars are overshadowed by the sun. Admit it, Kairi. You've never really thought about the moon and stars, have you? Well, today is a day to forget the sun and appreciate the moon and stars. I think the moon likes it when we do this, but some people think it's just pish-posh."

All three had shared the experience together, but the inclusion of Kairi was more a courtesy, because she was new, than real liking of the new girl.

Most important – Sora and Riku were still together. They explained, laughed, liked, and loved together.

Today, Riku sees it all alone. The beauty, the joy, the ecstasy is seen alone.

_Heaven is beautiful, but it's a sad sort of beauty…_

_It's all a lie. What's so wonderful about heaven? When one person wants something, it has to be taken from another._

These days, Sora and Kairi wander around, arm in arm, eating treats and laughing. All during the previous week, they had painted murals and made decorations together. Sora had even improved at arts and crafts a little. It's now officially the apocalypse.

Horseman One: Sora getting better at art. (But he's still not very good yet.)

_Everyone_ seemed a little off today. Riku was sulking because Sora and Kairi were blissfully walking around in each others' arms. When Tidus saw how upset Riku was over Sora and Kairi being so publicly together, he sulked, too. After Selphie saw how Riku and Tidus were all sulky, she became less hyper. And of course, since everyone else was all sulky and boring, Wakka was, too.

Horseman Two: Selphie not being hyper.

_Nothing is perfect in heaven. Every shred of happiness the happy ones have was taken from a sad person. If one person has the love of another person, someone is suffering without that love._

Sora and Kairi were the only happy ones. They walked about, arm in arm, pointing and chatting about all the different decorations and who made them. Usually, everyone "ooh"-ed and "ahh"-ed over Riku's decorations, but this year… Riku didn't have the heart to draw and paint and craft.

Instead, Riku just stood there, letting big crystal eyes roam over the other people. Jealously at their happiness had set in already, burning in his soul.

Tidus stood still and watched Riku, or drifted about, thinking about Riku and his… "situation". Naturally, thinking about Riku's "situation" involved thinking about Sora and Kairi. And so, Tidus was watching the happy couple, fully conscious of Riku's gaze, which was turned in the same direction.

Tidus was only slightly less bitter than Riku. Hatred burned in his soul. Sora was making his Riku sad. With the help of Kairi, Sora was _killing_ Riku's spirit! He couldn't hate Sora, since Riku loved him and so there must be something good about him, but he could hate Kairi. And so, smoldering embers were turned on Kairi, hating and hating…

Horseman Three: Tidus needs anger management. Rather, everyone needs it!

Selphie was trying to figure out why everyone was sulky. She turned from Riku to Tidus and back again. Then, she mused about it all a little. No answer came into her head. No light bulb lit up. Selphie went back to looking at people and thinking.

Wakka spent his time trying to get people to cheer up. The poor soul never saw what even Selphie did – they wanted to be left alone.

Horseman Four: Everybody is sulking. A time of happiness is turned to a time of agony, sprinkled with hatred, bitterness, and jealousy.

_Why does it have to be this way? Why can't we all be happier? Suffering pervades, and we can do _nothing_ to stop it._

_God, why? Why must we be the ones to suffer?_

Somewhere, the wheels of fate are turning. It is a matter of time – all suffering ends and goes to someone else.

Sometimes, suffering's change is as simple as a word, a little action.

Sometimes, the suffering takes longer to go away, and when it does go away, it leaves little barbs in your flesh to sting at you mercilessly…

A/N: I think the last scene is too complicated. Too many different parts to it. What do you guys think?

Send any and all constructive criticism! Even flaming is all right, as long as you have proper grammar and spelling.

Hopefully, the next chapter will be quicker. I think it will.


	4. Ch3: Again and Again We Go in Circles

This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives -- Chapter 3: Again and Again We Go in Circles

Set to "Red Bean" by Faye Wong (This is a Chinese song – don't bother looking for it.)

a.A. Year 2 Blossom Day 1

"Sora Sora Sora! Soorrrraaaa!" Selphie shrieked in the general direction of Sora.

Sora looked up and replied, "Selphie? What is it?"

"We haven't talked a long time, so I thought we could take a walk… And talk about some… delicate subjects."

Selphie shifted nervously. Sora blinked a few times. He pondered, '_Why is she so nervous? Is she trying to hit on me? Nah. She knows I'm with Kairi. I'll ask her what she wants to talk about.'_

Sora shrugged off his thoughts and asked Selphie, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well… I… Well, I sortawantedtotalktoyouaboutRiku."

Sora blinked a few times. "Um, Selph, wanna try that again, but slower?"

"Ehehehe…. Sorry." A sheepish smile blossomed on Selphie's face. "I wanted to talk about Riku."

"Riku? Why?"

"He's been acting funny."

"What do you mean?"

"…Do you mean you haven't noticed?"

"No, I haven't seen anything funny about Riku…"

Selphie sighed. "I'll show you. Come on! Let's take a little walk to the Secret Place. I have to show you a drawing in there."

Selphie took a hold of Sora's arm and brought him to the Secret Place. Looking around at the drawing in the dark, dreary place they called the "Secret Place", she found the drawing she was looking for.

"I was looking for Riku this morning. When I looked in here, Riku was looking at this. Is there something special about it? He seemed rather… emotional." Selphie pointed to one of Riku's earlier drawings, two stick figures holding hands.

The stick figures were childish, but both had big smiles and looked blissful. Nearby, "Riku and Sora" was inscribed in the stone.

"I don't see anything remarkable." Sora inspected the drawing as if it held a great and terrible secret. "It's just one of those drawings of us that we drew together when we were little. You know, before Kairi came?"

"Yeah, I remember then. You two used to spend so much time in here. Why did you play here so much? It's so… dark and dreary. It's not a very good place for playing. Actually, why do you _still _come here all the time?"

"I don't know… I guess it's just special to me. It's got all my memories..." Sora glanced at a carving of a girl and a boy, offering Paopus to each other.

Selphie followed his gaze. Seeing what he was looking at, she sighed, "You're hopeless!" She shook her head. "Anyway, Riku seemed upset while he was in here. All mopey and sad. You should talk to him, find out what's wrong! He seemed really out of it."

"Selph, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I still think you should talk to him."

"Selphie, I have other things to think of. Frankly, this doesn't sound very important…"

"Other things, huh?" A mischievous smile spread over Selphie's face as she teased, "Like Kairi?"

Indignation registered on Sora's face. "Sel-_phie_!" he cried.

Sora chased a giggling Selphie out of the Secret Place. As she ran, Selphie looked back at the cave, thinking about the Riku she had seen earlier, sobbing softly by the picture. She froze and her smile melted away as she realized what was wrong with Riku. All the pieces were clicking together! Riku was in love with Sora! He was jealous of Kairi and upset that Sora abandoned him. All the sad little glances Riku gave Sora… And of course! That drawing was from, and represented, a time before Kairi, when it was just Riku and Sora, no one else… It all fit like a puzzle.

Selphie suddenly realized what had been happening. Sora and Kairi had gotten together, so Riku was left out. Before, it was Riku and Sora versus any enemies they encountered. During the whole adventure with the different worlds, it had somehow become Sora and Kairi versus Riku. What a nightmare…

Poor Riku! It had to be horrible, knowing Sora and Kairi were together, and having to pretend to be happy… Well, he failed miserably at pretending to be happy (and Selphie doubted he was even trying to appear delighted at Sora and Kairi's relationship), but Riku pretending was so much more romantic!

Sora nearly crashed into a frozen Selphie. "Selphie? Selphie? You all right?"

Selphie shook her head. "Yeah, I'm fine… Let's go!"

As they resumed running, Selphie was still thinking….

_Time to play matchmaker. _

* * *

Sora groaned.

He had been dragged into shopping with Kairi. The horror… Even staying with Selphie to listen to her mushy love stories would've been better! Anything but this…

"Sora! Sora!" Oh, was that Kairi calling? So sleepy… So bored…

"Do you think this makes me look fat?" Kairi was peering into Sora's face now, calling, "Sora! Sora?"

Sora blinked. Once he realized what was going on, he nodded quickly and replied, "Not at all, Kairi. It's… perfect. You look charming."

It wasn't true – the skirt and shirt looked hideous together – but anything to avoid the wrath of The Girlfriend Who Was Just Told by Her Boyfriend That She Looks Bad.

…

"Sora, how many calories do you think those french fries have?"

Sora sighed and replied, "Kairi, I really don't know." A disbelieving little sigh emerged from Sora's mouth. He was hungry, but Kairi just _had_ to debate about calories!

"If I eat them, I'll probably get fat from all that grease…" Kairi mused for while, and then declared, "Well, we just won't eat here. Come on, Sora; let's go find a nice pair of shoes."

Sora was shocked. No food? But..! He was hungry! Giving voice to his objection, he begged, "Kairi, can't I eat? I'm hungry!"

Kairi stopped her march along a warpath to smile at Sora and tell him, "Sora, you're always hungry. It's not that big of a deal. Wait until we go home, alright?"

"Kairi…!" Too late. Kairi was already on her way to the shoe store. Grimacing, Sora ran to catch up.

…

While browsing the racks of clothing, Kairi absentmindedly shoved a few skirts into Sora's hands, commanding, "Hold these for a second, would you?"

Sora struggled to hold everything. After a day of shopping, he was loaded down with two pairs of shoes, bags from three different clothing stores, and a bag of hair supplies.

Oh, why had he come? …Oh yeah! Kairi was his girlfriend! That explained everything. Sora nodded mentally.

Kairi was moving to the section with shirts. Dragging the bags full of Kairi's purchases behind him, Sora followed her.

Why did women love to shop so much? Better yet, why was _he_ Kairi's pack mule?

…

"Wasn't that so much fun, Sora?"

Sora gave only an automatic nod.

"Are you alright, Sora?"

"I'm fine; just a little sleepy."

A little sleepy was an understatement. After all, Sora had just been through a day of being a pack mule for his shopping girlfriend…

Why were girls so shopping-obsessed? And why did they always drag their boyfriends along to carry all the stuff?

* * *

Dear Sora,

It's letter time again! Aren't you _so_ glad you have to listen to my pathetic ramblings? I know, I know! You're never going to read this, blah, blah, blah…

Lately, life's been going rather well. (As well as can be expected, that is. This isn't very well, but… It's custom to tell people you're doing well (even if they never asked). So how are you?) My new glasses just arrived, so I can see properly now. These prescription glasses work so much better than those over-the-counter reading glasses I was using. And they look cooler, too. Mine are dark blue and green – Selphie says they bring out my eyes. (I think that's nonsense.)

Speaking of Selphie, where is she? She usually makes a point to bother me daily, but I haven't seen her all day. I suppose she's with you guys, wherever you are.

…I hate you, you know. Or at least I try to tell myself that. Actually, I wish I could hate you. Wouldn't that make life so much easier? I wouldn't care that you were with Kairi; nobody would have to deal with worthless little Riku's moping… Who knows? I might even be with Tidus.

If you really read this, you'd probably go, "Woah! Riku knows that Tidus likes him?" Well, no shit I know. It's sort of obvious.

As far back as I remember, I've always _suspected_, but when someone asks you to share a drink with a flavor like Paopu Passion Delight – well, then it becomes way more than obvious. I don't know how Tidus ever thought I wouldn't notice…

It's so obvious Tidus likes me. In fact, almost as obvious as you guys thinking I hadn't the least idea Tidus likes me. What's not so obvious is how you imbeciles ever thought I _didn't_ know. I doubt Tidus would've told you guys directly, so you must've all figured it out by yourselves, and if you all figured it out, why couldn't I? (Especially with the drink…)

Even though I love you, Sora, I wish I didn't. If I loved Tidus, everything would be easier. Wouldn't it? Alright, it probably wouldn't, but I can practice wishful thinking, can't I?

Why am I even debating the what-ifs? It's hopeless. Hopeless!

Riku

Sighing, Riku signed his name with a flourish and folded the plain white paper. After carefully placing it in an envelope, Riku carried the letter into his closet.

There, in his walk-in closet, was the light of Riku's life and his salvation. Well, not _really_…. But it was close enough. Inside that plain, ordinary closet was Riku's _shrine_. Cue the dun-dun-dun sound effects and recorded, obviously fake applause!

The _shrine_ (dun-dun-duuuunnnnn!) that had started the list of Riku's girly habits, the _shrine _that was a direct result of Riku's infatuation with Sora, the _physical manifestation_ of Riku's love…

Okay, okay, that's all a lie!

It was just a whole bunch of pictures of Riku and Sora before Kairi showed up and the letters Riku had started writing. Yeah, it sounds like a fangirl's shrine to her favorite anime character, complete with a gallery and fan-mail, but it wasn't. … …Why don't you believe me?

The scene fades out as Riku places the newest letter next to the other letters.

Disclaimer: See prologue, and I don't own the Paopu-flavored drink idea. That is Uzumaki-sama's idea.

A/N: Before anyone says anything, I _did _get permission from Uzumaki-sama to use her Paopu drink idea (from **_Half Sandcastle_**).

Next chapter will contain a huge time jump. Nearly two years, in fact.

I am now posting scene by scene (3 scenes to a chapter) on my lj, where I am known as Raiknii.

Feedback, people! (Especially negative feedback! It's my favorite, as odd as that sounds.) Does anyone think this chapter is too sarcastic?

And I don't mean to make fun of people who like shopping – I just wanted to do a slice-of-life, not-so-romantic thing.


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